but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
