Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
