you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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