It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
