It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
