i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
