$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
