Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
