...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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