i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
