I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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