He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
