tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Come share oat with me in your robe
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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