You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
