fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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