I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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