Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
