47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
