I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
