In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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