Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
