Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
