Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's never too late to be topless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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