she woke up with a sticky ear
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
