Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
