He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
