Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
