Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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