Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
