just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
