I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
