Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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