This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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