and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
