i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
