One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
