Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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