Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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