im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
