Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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