We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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