i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
