Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im holly from the hills drunk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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