Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
