no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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