so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A bitchslap is in order.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
