if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I want a musical about memes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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