I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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