my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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