No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
