If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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