I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
